Never Give Up

It has been another very long, very exhausting, very draining, very embarrassing Sunday once again. I really try hard not to complain about taking my five beautiful blessings to three hours of church every Sunday, but since I have decided journaling (or in this case, blogging) is my form of therapy, here is my constructive analysis of my day.
It's Sunday morning, Jez is getting ready to go to work and I am standing at the dining table watching 5 kids in their pajamas eating cold cereal. Milk dripping on the table, down chins and tummies, and of course stuck in dangling blond hair. I am asking myself "do I really want to do this today???" I go through a round of excuses followed by a round of guilt and end up with the final decision that yes, I need to be there... in 20 minutes! Cereal goes down the drain, quick bath for the little ones, scurrying around finding clothes, socks/nylons and shoes and we are ready to go out the door except that no one can find Josie's shoes... No time to waste (it's our ward conference and our bishop lovingly asked that everyone be 10 minutes early to promote the reverence in the chapel...) We have exactly 9 minutes to do the 11 minute drive... so she wears FLIP FLOPS! Don't get me wrong, they are cute (shiny black that match her dress) but it is 28 degrees out and SNOWING... let's not forget she has soaking wet hair, and already a runny nose to match. Julia and Josie have been sick this last week and have been SO horribly crabby. Already I am second guessing my decision... but to the van we go and make the drive as quickly as possible. Alas after fighting over getting seat belts on, and off, we arrive at the chapel precisely as the bishop stands. We scurry into the only bench available and I pray for the best. Obviously I need to learn a lesson in time management, not to mention preparedness and patience.
We made it relatively quietly until the sacrament, the most quiet, reverent time of all and what do my kids do??? Treven decides to take Julia's toy, Julia screams - I steal the toy from Trev to give back to her and then Trev starts yelling, meanwhile Josie decides she wants Julia's milk and starts trying to take her cup out of her hand... of course Julia is pulling back on the cup and Josie's hand slips which in turn makes the cup go flying towards Julia's face and hits her tooth. Just to sum it up... Treven yelling, Julia crying, Josie throwing a high pitch tantrum... What do I do??? My dilemma... do I try to pacify everyone until the sacrament is over? or do I haul out three screaming kids with my two arms in the middle of it? I opted for the first trying to keep everyone quiet and quickly left as soon as the sacrament was over. One great thing about sitting so close to the front is that you get to see the array of looks from everyone in the congregation on your way out... who knew there were so many different opinions of a situation? I just try not to look anymore as I get out to the hall and see more people with the "I'm sorry" look on their faces. Our ward is great. Sometimes though I just feel completely and totally isolated, like my kids are the only ones that act this way. Surely other families must go through it too?!?
Anyway, after listening to the first two speakers in the mother's lounge I realize that it is a musical number next and maybe we could sneak back in when they sit down and no one would notice... haha... We did get to sneak back into the overflow area where no one noticed until Josie starts walking up the aisle to sit by Jacie. She's quiet, she knows where they are... ok, no problem until Treven decides to call her to come back. Treven calls "Josie" and she turns around... I point to Talden to tell her to go sit down at the same time Treven motions for her to come back... she's torn. Looks at us, Looks at Talden, back at us... Primary President stands up from her seat and goes and GETS HER to take her to Talden. I'm in the back looking at the ceiling and taking a deep breath. Song gets over and I go to sit with them. Five minutes go by and the whole drama starts all over again! I swear Treven does it on purpose and he thinks it is funny. I try my best to keep them separated and quiet until it is over, which thankfully was only about 10 minutes. Sigh.
Then the kids go to class, but I debate over whether to send Josie to nursery because of her runny nose. Her teacher convinces me she's fine and I decide to let her go. Then I feel guilty because I do not want other kids to get sick. Do I get her out or go to Sunday School?? I decide to try Sunday School. Julia sat on my lap for about 10 minutes just fine and then once they actually started the lesson she decided she wanted to get down. We were in the gym because it was Ward Conference and we were all together. She decides she wants her cup again and goes to get it out of the side of the diaper bag but when it finally came out she dropped it and it landed on the gym floor with a loud thud and started rolling away. One of our ward members was standing a ways behind us and came over and asked for a burp rag so he could help clean it up. Such a nice gesture, but I didn't have a burp rag (and haven't carried one around for quite some time). I did however have toilet paper in the diaper bag because of the girls' runny noses so I gave him some TP to clean up the spilled milk! Then I decided our time there was up so we went to the hall. Later I passed him in the hall and he said "Trina, I've never known anyone who uses toilet paper for a burp cloth." I told him I didn't have any and that I just happened to have the toilet paper. He then told me that they would look around their house and gather some up for us. So nice of him, but I am feeling worse by the second. Seriously I question myself not only as a mother, but a mother of FIVE children. You'd think I'd have it down by now and I just don't. Most days we exist just to get through our day. I have realized that I am completely drained and I need some me time. (Watch for another "day off" post in the near future.)
So now it's time to try Relief Society. Julia has ran around and can't stop yawning... maybe I could be so lucky... I find a seat on the end, at the back near the door, and sit her on my lap. So far so good. We get through the opening song and practice hymn. She loves the music and hasn't moved a muscle. She might actually be asleep! The stake R.S. President stands up and says "Our lesson today is on our respsadofinwleialkng"..... what??? Exactly. Not a chance. She is crying again and I'm getting "the look." Back to the halls. I know it's really not that big of a deal, but have you ever really, really, really felt like you need the lessons more than anyone in the room, but you're the one in the hall?? My eyes were burning with tears as I sat in the chair outside the door. I watched the time until there was about 15 minutes left of church. I was just about to take her to the van to wait when I saw the Jr. Primary going back in for closing exercises. And I remember... Talden has a talk today! I go to the Primary door and there he is sitting in the front smiling at me. When it was his turn he stood up and read the scripture about how if you teach a child they way they should go they will not depart from it and then bore his testimony about our family and how grateful he is for the things we teach him. I was so proud of him. Seriously, he is such a good kid. I guess that is the lesson I needed today.
I then decided to go get Josie from nursery and take the two girls out and wait for the other three to get done in Primary. I struggled getting them in the van and seat belts. I pulled a muscle in my back so I have been in a lot of pain today... and Julia grabbed my hair which was in a ponytail and I could feel her pulling it out of place. I just sighed and figured I'd fix it before I went back in to get the other kids.... I forgot. So I was parked right by the door and opened it to motion for the kids to come on. One of my friends in the ward walked by and said "Take a Deep Breath." I said "I need it" and she said.... "I know that look" with a smile. I realized I was a mess... I had squished cheerios on my black skirt and snot on my shirt from Julia, not to mention my crazy hair, and I had just fought with Josie over her seat belt. I was done. More than done... but I realized at that moment that I was not the only mother who feels this way sometimes.
Then the kids came out and got in the van and we started home. The whole time home Treven was singing a song from one of our Living Scriputres videos that was stuck in his head. Why do I write about this? Because the chorus line is "Never give up, Never give up, No, No, Never give up."
So what did I learn today at church?
1 - If we are prepared we don't need to fear. :) (aka clothes out on Saturday - including shoes, a decision to go to church more than 20 minutes before takeoff time, diaper bag packed full of enough toys to go around, lots of Tylenol...j/k, etc.)
2 - If we are diligent in teaching our children they will always remember it. And they can do an awesome job of impromtu talks in Primary.
3- We are never alone. Seriously. God and Christ are always with us and they know what we need. That doesn't mean we won't struggle sometimes, but there is always a lesson to be learned. And on top of that there are friends, family members, and neighbors all around us that understand what we're going through.
And last but not least...
4 - Never Give Up, Never Give Up :)