So I have read a lot of people's blogs lately about how they feel about the "mormon" culture. I have also seen references to the blog "seriously so blessed." I guess the theme I am seeing is that everyone is sick of trying to live the "perfect" life and feel overwhelmed or excluded because of it. I believe we were all sent here to do the best that we can. What that means to me is that the things I struggle with in my life may not be the same as what you struggle with in yours, and vice versa... but the important thing to remember is that we ALL struggle in some ways... if we didn't, we wouldn't have any need to be here. I am grateful for my friends who share their real struggles with others and for those who don't have huge trials right now that they are willing to listen and encourage without judging.
I have been reading the book "He Did Deliver Me from Bondage" by Colleen C. Harrison. It is an amazing book that has strengthened my testimony of the Savior and his Atonement. I started reading it back in March and I think I would credit a lot of my growth in the last few months to this book. It is a book based on the 12 steps and deals with overcoming addictive behaviors. I truly believe that somewhere inside all of us we do have addictive behaviors in some form or another... (TV shows, eating, shopping, blogging, sleeping, controlling desires, etc.) if you don't have one I would be interested to talk. I found Principle (step) 5 to be particularly interesting and crucial to my success.
Some interesting tidbits I wanted to share...
"One of the worst things the Saints can do for each other is to appear to be too perfect-that by refusing to admit our struggles and maintaining instead the appearance of perfection, we sow seeds of discouragement."
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed." (James 5:16)
"I still hid behind a 'Sunday smile' refusing to allow others to share and bear my greatest burdens and sorrows - my own fears and feelings of inadequacy."
"To admit no need of repentance to one another, to thus promote a program of perfectionism to one another, instead of promoting Christ's gospel of repentance, is seriously near an anti-Christ position. We, of all people, should desire never to give this impression to each other."
"I was promoting the gallacy that Christ's gospel is a program of self-sufficiency and self-perfectionism, when in reality and truth, it is a program of humility, repentance, personal atonement and remission of sin."
She also refers to the scriptures being full of the humble admissions of the frailities of the prophets: Peter, Paul, Amulek, Ammon, Alma, the brother of Jared, Nephi... and others. Even the prophet Joseph Smith was recorded confessing his weaknesses and I have personally heard President Hinckley do the same. I admire all of these great prophets and she says it this way "They did not desire to be portrayed on pedestals, but rather on their knees."
Each chapter has scriptures and questions to ponder and one of the ones in this one was this:
D&C 59:12
How do you think it would help our congregations if we shared more openly from our personal experiences and challenges? Do you think it would strengthen or weaken us as a people to be more vulnerable and self-disclosing with each other? Why?
I pondered this a lot and realized that the times I have really grown in my testimony are when I have shared with others, or heard others share their challenges. I know that I am not alone and you can know that you aren't either and that we can best "lift up the hands that hang down" when we are honest with each other and that we don't have to be the image of perfection to be an amazing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I served for over 2 years in the Stake Relief Society Presidency and I have a very strong testimony of the gospel. I had amazing opportunities to spend time at training on Temple Square with the leaders of the church. I have met Sister Beck and her two counselors and they are AMAZING! I have spent time with honorable priesthood leaders and I will never forget the time I spent there and the peace and serenity I have felt there. I know without a doubt that I am a child of God and that Jesus is my older brother and Savior. I can't imagine my life without it and I am so grateful for it. I will continue in my faith and I will continue striving to serve and do my best, but I also have Sundays where I don't want to go. Who doesn't?? I have also been guilty of being relieved when my meeting got cancelled, or when someone else volunteered to help out before I felt obligated to. None of us are perfect, and the only person who can truly judge us is our Father in Heaven... it is because he knows every part of us and He knows the desires in our hearts. The Stake R.S. President I served with was awesome. I was telling her once how I always felt like my best wasn't good enough when it came to raising my kids and she said to me "Sometimes just getting them in bed without killing them first is doing our best." :) I love her.
Anyway, this is really long I know, but I just have to agree that the church needs real members who are aware of their weaknesses and doing what they can to do their best, and how important it is that we are respectful and welcoming to ALL members from any walk of life. We had our first child before we were married, and my husband never served a mission. I have done things in my past that I would never do again, but I can't regret those things because they have made me who I am and I am a much stronger and open-minded person than I could have been without having experienced the effects of those choices. I can also empathize with and understand other people's emotions having had the opportunity to use the Atonement (regularly) in my life.
I am grateful for the gospel and I am grateful for all the saints out there who are just doing their best. When Jez got called to his new calling the High Councilman (who is a very successful person in many aspects) made a comment I loved... he said, "We're just a bunch of imperfect people trying to do the Lord's work."
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9 comments:
I love this. The way you encourage us to be real, while using that to lift others...just awesome. Sometimes my efforts to be real end up being negative/depressing, so I love the idea of sharing my burdens and my testimony at the same time.
Trina, I'm just so blessed to have your friendship. I am so inspired by your strong spirit. I know that the struggles you've had have made you better able to feel the spirit. Your shining example of searching for what's right and true is like a light at the end of the tunnel for me.
There are some things that I experienced IN the church but OUT of Utah, that just don't happen as much here in Utah. It's such a blessing to get the chance to really live your religion by choice, not just because everyone else is doing it. (not that you ever did that, but you know what I mean) Sometimes the atmosphere is just different. I always loved how real (and sometimes wacky) my ward families outside of Utah were. Enjoy it! And thanks for this amazing post. I miss you Grrl!
Thanks for sharing, Trina. I wish we'd had a chance to get to know each other better when we were in the same ward, but I guess that's what blogging is for, right?
When I had postpartum depression, I was really embarrassed about it at first. After medication, and time, I started to talk to people about it and I was amazed at how many of my friends were experiencing the same things. There is a fine line between sharing your burdens...and being a burden, but I am so grateful for the friends who shared mine at that time. (I hope I wasn't a burden to them).
I know for me, I always feel better when I realize that I'm not alone in my battles. And I also feel better when I am able to help someone else with theirs.
Thanks for sharing your testimony! I love the quote from the Stake RS president about getting them to bed without killing them. Thanks for an uplifting post!
Wow Trina, what a great post. I can't tell you how much this resonates with me.
I spewed my "Sunday frustrations" right after everyone was fed and taken care of on Sunday afternoon, because there had been a stake temple day that Saturday that I hadn't attended (my husband worked and my kids don't do well in the primary day-care), and I felt like crap after everyone ranted and raved about how wonderful it was, and what an amazing day for all the primary children who had attended the event & been on the temple grounds...
It hit a sore spot b/c I haven't done a session in 8 years, and have only been to the temple in all that time to attend sealings or do baptisms for the dead with the youth. I instantly felt like a crappy mom and a crappy member, and it all came pouring out on the keyboard Sunday afternoon.
A lot of it was exaggerated; the temple "castle" incident happened with my oldest when he was a Sunbeam, but I was totally humiliated when the kid right next to him correctly identified the "Pwophet, gooden b heenkwy" in the next breath! I've never forgotten that, and it's one of the reasons I ALWAYS feel like a crappy member, and seriously, some Sundays it's so overwhelming, I feel like giving up completely.
I too have a testimony of the Savior and his atonement and that is the one and only reason I don't give up, and have remained active, but some days, it's really, really hard to trudge through the motions of church.
I will definitely be picking up a copy of this book. I am totally in a funk right now and desperately need a new perspective, and if one more person asks me about my personal scripture study, I'll SCREAM!!!
Thanks for leaving a comment, you have no idea how much I appreciate your insights.
Trina, Thanks so much. That was beautiful. I know I need to be better about admitting I'm not pertfect. The book sound awesome. I need to read it. You and Jez are such awesome examples. I have ALWAYS looked up to you. Thanks for being who you are and letting me learn from you.
Thank you Trina, I know its hard for everyone to admit that they are not perfect, but that is where some of our greatest growth can come from. I appreciate how honest you are, and I look forward to each and everyone of your posts. Thanks for your friendship, and example to me and my family. I love the comment from the RS President too, because whether people admit it or not, we all have those days. Mine just seem to come more often that not:) We miss you tons, and I hope thing continue to go well for your family out there!
Trina, Your blog really touch me. I felt for a while that most people make them sound like these perfect people. I am so not perfect and have much to continue to grow on. I have my past but I felt for the longest time. That I would be look done at for my past. I have learned from many close friends that I am not look done upon. My pass has helped me grow into who I am today. I was a party animal growing up and did a lot of things. Because of things that occur with Don and I before we got married. We were married in a church and then a year later we were sealed. I always new even though my hard times that Heavenly Father always has his arms out for me to come to.
We miss you guys and are glad you are doing great.
Shauntae - Your friendship has been a light to me too. I'm so glad we met and were able to find such a common ground, while at the same time having such differences. I have grown so much as a person because of your example too. There are some things that I have never been good at that you are amazing at and I have learned a lot from your example. You taught me a lot about being a real person and about dedication and commitment to your family. Having your friendship reminds me that our Heavenly Father does know each of us and he led us into each others lives. :)
Felicia, I know what you mean about the line between sharing/being a burden. I can't imagine you have ever been a burden because even though there were times when you struggled you have such a beautiful spirit that people can't help but just loving you. :)
Sandra, Sister Wood is really amazing. I loved serving with her so much. She always has such a practical way of looking at things while at the same time being so amazingly spiritual. :)
Mary, thanks for your comments too. I've always wondered in those times when I am excited about church activities how it comes across to others too. I would never want to exclude people. I guess sometimes we think that if we are excited about it enough that next time even more people will want to join in. I'm guilty of doing that for HFPE nights. I think the temple night is always kind of a sensitive one though because some people just can't get there because of scheduling, but some people just aren't at that place in their lives either. Instead of being encouraging it could be really discouraging instead. I think you are an amazing mom and just your commitment to getting them up and to church when they are all chanting "I hate church" speaks volumes. :)
Amme, I have learned a lot from watching your family too. You spend so much time attending to everyone in your family's needs. I still remember when we were at your house and you were teaching us to bake and Scott walked through the kitchen and someone was like "Scott, do you know how lucky you are???" You are an amazing wife and mother and I have loved watching your little family grow. :)
Jessica, I miss seeing you and your kids too. I hope things are going well in your new neighborhood. I think we all have bad days but it's also good that we don't dwell on those too much because it would get depressing if we felt there was no hope. :)
Heidi, thank you for your testimony about our Father in Heaven always having His arms extended to us. He loves us unconditionally and even though we make mistakes He is so full of joy when we come to Him with our imperfections because it allows Him to give us the strength and power to overcome our weaknesses.
Ok, so I'm a little behind the times - I'm desperately trying to catch up on my blog reading :) I loved your post just like everyone else. I couldn't agree with your views more (and I will buying my own copy of that book soon)!
It's funny, Camille dropped by my house this afternoon to check on me because I missed church again - I'm guessing I haven't been to a full block of meetings for at least a month now - and when I opened the door I admitted to her that there was a slight chance that I'd be going to you-know-where. She just laughed and said, "Can I join you?" I believe everything you posted about, so why do I feel so guilty when I don't do everything I think a Mormon should do?
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I appreciate your post. I read it at just the right time - I really needed the reminder! Thanks :)
Oh, and thanks for all the nice comments you always post on my blog. It always makes me grin to read what you write!
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