Ok so I've been reading a lot lately and another great book I have found is "Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids" by James D. MacArthur, PH.D. I like this book because the author focuses on the ten scale to help us avoid black and white thinking. He writes "...everything about developing families is regularly in process. That is one of the fundamental concepts of healthy family life. We know we are not "there." But we care about working hard at getting "more there."
(I hope I'm not infringing on copyright laws, but) one of the concepts is about creating a family vision. He asks "Do you have a vision of why you are a family?" And "A family vision is a great thing to work for. It really is why you are together." I've always somewhere in my mind known what I want for my family, but actually writing it down makes it more clear and realistic to me. I am excited about talking to Jez and the kids about what they think our family vision is.
I have many days that I feel overwhelmed with my children, maybe more so than most parents... I'm not really sure... but I am curious as to what some of the things are that you do pretty consistently in your families that you feel are good/positive qualities. I love reading about what makes a good family great. It inspires me and encourages me to try a little harder. :)
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10 months ago
8 comments:
I know I am commenting on my own blog post, but I wanted to go first. :)
Our family has family councils on a regular basis. (Regular means when we need it... sometimes once or twice a month, and sometimes twice a week... it just depends) I love listening to each person in the family give us an "update" of what's going on in their life. How they are feeling about what's going on around them. It is a great time when every person gets the chance to talk and we all get chances to respond to what is being said and we get to work on problems together as a family. :)
Two things that we do:
-We have dinner at the table together as much as possible. We turn off the TV, computer, ipod, cell phones, etc. and just talk to each other. I learn so much about our boys during this time.
-We read together. When we're in the car together, Nick brings a book to read to us. Even young kids will listen to chapter books in the car. We're reading the Narnia series right now, but I also recommend the Magic Treehouse series, it's a little better for the younger ones.
I've been reading that book also!!! I'm almost done with chapter 10. I love the questions he asks. It makes me laugh because you can tell he is LDS but he never mentions his religion. Kevin and I have started our family council books. We were doing better a few months ago but since summer we havn't been as good with it. We take the time every Sunday to talk about the needs of the kids and then answer a few questions out of the book. I learned a lot about the way I've been parenting from answering those questions. The one thing we started which is a goal for the year is to have a Daddy interview once a month. The kids have their own "journal" and it's one on one time with Dad to listen and to set goals for the coming month. We always have dinner together and of course FHE. A book I would suggest reading is "I am a Mother" By Jane Clayson. It inspired me and made me realize how wonderful motherhood is. (I still need that reminder every now and then)
We don't do very well I'm afraid, but we DO have dinner together, and we play games together. I'm always on the lookout for games that are fun for both parents AND kids (Candyland doesn't qualify :o)
Some of our favorites are: Life Stories, Cookin' Cookies, Break the Safe, The Storybook Game, SPLAT, Mexican Train, Phase 10 dice, and Uno.
We often forget to take time to have fun together in the midst of everything that needs to get done. Sometimes I feel like all I do is nag.
Todd's family took TONS of vacations (stayed in their RV as they traveled across the country) and now that they are adults, they are a lot closer than I am with my siblings.
I love reading Parent help books! Even if I don't follow it to the "T". It helps me feel like I have some tools to use and maybe just give me a boost that being "a mean Mom" is good for them!
Keep on, keepin' on Trina! Hugs!
We love to be outdoors together. I love that I married into a family that loves to camp, and just enjoy the sunshine. We also love games. I recently went to a game party at Kristi's and got some fun games that the kids beg for. So instead of begging to watch TV at night, they beg for a round or two of a game. We also love movie nights. We each get to pick a treat (the 99 cent packages of candy bars at WalMart is the favorite) and we dump them in a bowl and pop popcorn, and then curl up and watch a favorite movie together. We try hard to eat dinner together, and have FHE, but even with little kids schedules are hectic. I am wanting to start the Sunday interviews, and I remember doing that with my dad. Anyway, I know its really random, but thats what we love to do!
You are such an avid reader... why didn't you join our book club while you were here??? I need to send you an invite to Good Reads so that I know what else you would recommend. :) I love good books. I need the self help stuff but I'm not very good with the practical application of it all.
Shauntae, dinner together as a family is something I think is so great! It's sad how many families don't take that time together. We try to do that whenever we can. And I love the books in the car idea. Our drive to anywhere is usually just chaos. (Probably because I just want to talk to Jez the whole time and the kids go crazy in the back.)
Sandra, I think that is funny too. I guess he doesn't mention his religion so that it could be more universally marketed, but still you can definitely see the LDS culture shining through. :) That's awesome that you are doing all the journaling and meeting with the kids. You guys are amazing parents.
Felicia, I LOVE playing games! I should try to find some of those you mentioned. We don't have any of them. Your family is so close you can tell you spend a lot of good time together. I think in the end that is what will really matter is how much time we give our kids doing the things that they enjoy and not just the same old daily grind.
Jenny, I don't follow them exactly either but I love the new concepts and ideas I get from them. How's the home schooling going?? I think you're amazing.
Jessica, I wish I was more of a camper. I love it when we actually get there and are enjoying the great outdoors, but all the planning and packing and cleaning up just makes it hard to want to go. Not to mention that with the kids it is hard to actually just relax and enjoy it. Although last time we went Jez and I finished a great book while we were there. We stayed a few nights and our campsite was great. It was set further off the road and we took a tent just for the kids to play in so we didn't have to watch them as close and we loved just sitting in the shade listening to the river and leaves rustle in the wind... ahhh. :)
Melissa, I love to read. I didn't have a lot of time there because I was working and had so much going on. Now I get to read when the little ones are taking naps and I make the older ones read too. :) It has been really good. I am not great at all the application either. Seriously the book would be a little too much for me if I tried to do exactly what he is saying (all the journaling, rating yourself and each child, meetings, etc). I just read, take from it what I want and the rest just gets filed somewhere in my sub-concious self. I would read all day if I could. :)
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