Our room had a King bed, sofabed, work desk, breakfast table and then microwave, fridge, etc. I took a lot of pictures of the amenities (lamps, furniture, ice bucket...) because when you work in a B&B for 8 years you can never just stay at a hotel ever again without taking note of those things and constantly thinking "That would look great in the Bridal Suite..., etc." Anyway, it was great to have a nice place to stay and the kids got their own room.
This is the church in North Mankato. It is about 30 minutes from his mom's house and 15 minutes from our hotel. We also realized last week that her ward is in our Stake.
Mom & Missionaries
Jez's brother and his girlfriend
Me, Julia, Jez, Jez's aunt and Jez's cousin
After the baptism we took everyone to Friday's for dinner.The restaurant is hooked to the hotel so it worked really well for us.
It was a good weekend, but I also was so frustrated. I am assuming we all go through it, but have you ever felt like you give all you have to give... and then some... and it just isn't enough?? Jez was busy this weekend with his family which is totally understandable, but it also leaves me with 5 children that I seem to have no control over. I missed most of the baptism because I was in the hall with my 2 and 4 year olds. When I tried to take them in the baptism they were so disruptive and I felt like I had to leave so the spirit could be there. They fight over wanting the same chair, so I give one of them the chair and offer to hold the other, then the one on the chair decides they want to be held, blah blah blah. It is constant chaos, they always want what the other one has... and they aren't quiet about it either. I was wrestling with kids all day and I was so glad to have made it through the baptism when I realized that we still had to make it through brownies (another story in itself) and then dinner at a restaurant (where no one else has kids) at 7:30 on a Saturday night. It was really more than I could handle. Treven is going to be 5 in January and he is still as hard to handle as when he was 3. Josie was just plain tired and worn out and she is starting to have her tantrums too... the worst part is they are SO loud. We had every table in the restaurant looking at us. After pleading (and threatening) through most of the meal I decide enough is enough and I stand up to take the youngest 3 out and Treven runs for the side door that reads "EMERGENY EXIT ONLY - ALARM WILL SOUND" I grab him just in time to which he starts screaming "let go of me!" I went to bed last night feeling totally defeated. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but really... it is non-stop and I am just flat out tired.
Then today... Sacrament meeting. An hour can't be that long right? Wrong. Treven has gone to church almost every Sunday for the last 4 1/2 years. I think I have tried everything I can to teach him reverence, but he just doesn't get it. I realize that I don't have the diaper bag and nothing to distract the younger kiddos and it is 3 minutes to the beginning of the meeting. No problem, I will just sit in the back on the folding chairs with the three youngest, and Jez can sit on the front row with his mom and our two oldest. I figured the back is good because then you don't make a scene in front of everyone. Wrong again. Fighting over chairs, fighting over Julia's toy, Treven doesn't want to sit by me... he wants dad, Josie sees dad going on the stand to confirm his mom and she is yelling "hi dad" and takes off running to the front. I pick her up and am trying to whisper to her at which point Treven is hitting Julia in the head with her bottle, Julia cries, Josie cries, Treven cries. (Mom cries but not just yet). I get them settled down again during the Sacrament hymn. Then the Sacrament is being passed, and Treven wants to take the tray, Treven wants to feed Josie some (lots of) bread, I am trying to keep Julia quiet and those two on chairs when the nice lady in front of us turns around and offers fruit snacks. "Thank you" I mouth to her and Treven (out loud to everyone) explains to Josie that they are going to share. Josie doesn't want to share and I am wrestling with the wrapper trying to be quiet... it is dead silent except for us... when Trev and Josie start fighting over them and the fruit snacks spill all over the floor. No biggie... pick them up - and eat them off the floor while the people on the ONE row behind us are completely disgusted - then you can sit back on your chair. Julia doesn't want her bottle, starts screaming, Treven and Josie are fighting over the van keys, finally the sacrament is over and I whisper to Treven... let's go. What? Let's go! What? GO! Julia's crying, Josie's screaming, Treven's running... everyone's looking and I hear "Thank you for the reverent manner..." yep you know the spill. We are anything BUT reverent as the entire chapel is watching me struggle with my three out of control kids down the aisles and out the opposite side door. (I sat by a side door exit on purpose, but apparently that is not an appropriate exit and my only option was down 10 aisles of folding chairs and across the entire width of the chapel) I have seen a lot of parents take their crying kids out, but have you ever actually burst into tears yourself before even making it out of the building?? The poor lady in the parking lot that fetched Julia's blanket (when I dropped it 20 steps back) probably wondered what on earth had happened to me. We went to the van... the kids sat in seatbelts screaming, Julia sat on my lap rocking (to the very loud and probably inappropriate "Christian Rock"), and I cried... for about 45 minutes... seriously considering going inactive for the next 13 years (yep you do the math). Finally Jez, his mom and other kids came out and Jez felt so bad. I stood in the parking lot sobbing while his mother was asking if I was ok. Yep, I'm fine just a minor meltdown. Jez watched me crying in the rearview mirror the entire way to the hotel. We went back there to change and check out. Once again a simple task. Nope. Treven takes apart the push switch to the $200 lamp when no one is watching and the piece falls INSIDE the lamp. Jez has to peel off the bottom piece of black velvet to fetch the piece and put it back together. Meanwhile I am trying to get everyone changed and packed. I go in the bathroom to change my own clothes after which we are ready to go. "Come on guys, let's go." "Wait" Talden says, "I left my bag in the other room." Open our adjoining door (the only one that was allowed to be shut) and realize the other adjoining door is shut too. No handle to the door, just a flat gold panel. No problem, I'll go in the hall and open the door with the room key. Oops, the door was latched with the safety latch on the inside. I go back in... "We have a problem." (Explain the problem...) to which Talden responds... "That's simple... just send someone little through the doorway and they can unlatch it." Great thought Talden, but for some reason I don't think that will work... I got it... let's try to slip the lock on the adjoining door. Nope. That doesn't work either. Jez's mom is frustrated by now and just wants us to go get someone and tell them to mail us our stuff. Great thought too... but I wasn't worried so much about the stuff as I was that we had successfully locked us (and anyone else) out of the room. Who could do such a thing??? Hmmmm.... I'll let you guess. Anyway, we find the housekeepers (2 of them) and explain our dilema. Nope, no suggestions... this has never happened before. Really... never?? Call the head housekeeper... he'll find a screwdriver. Or a long purple ruler that you can jimmy through the doorlock... ok so we get in and get our stuff. Time to get out of there, but wait where's Josie?? No one knows. Jez takes his mom and 3 kids to the elevator, I take Talden and we head for the stairs. Talden and I are the winners, we found her on the 2nd floor (we were on the 3rd) in an open room that some housekeeper was cleaning a toilet in. Fabulous. Am I completely and totally irresponsible??? Anyway, we have made it safely back home and I have decided that I won't be leaving this apartment with them anytime soon. This is only a partial list of the things I have dealt with these last few days. I am completely drained. Completely tired. And completely defeated.
I am at a loss with Treven. I know he has A LOT of the symptoms of ADHD, but I just can't stand the thought of putting him on meds. I have never liked the idea of your body being chemically altered. It really worries me for a lot of different reasons. I have read up on the things I can do to help him with his behavior... and I try most of the time to do those things, but what do I do when I can't do it because I am so physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained?
The only thing I could tell myself today is a thought I read awhile ago...
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is that little voice at the end of the day that says... 'I will try again tomorrow."
15 comments:
I'm soooooo sorry that you had such a bad couple of days. I wish I could have been there to help you, well, with Josie and Julia. Treven never listened to me, so I wouldn't be any help there. We will pray for you and that Treven will be nicer to you. Call me if you ever need to vent.
Thanks for keeping it real, being the mom is hard work! I love your quote at the end, I feel like that so many days. I am totally sending you a big hug right now. :)
Don't worry, I know you're an amazing mom. I can attest to the fact that even having just one kid with slight "special needs" can throw off everyone else. I know that medications seem scary, but sometimes it's worth it. Some of us just don't have all the natural chemicals we need, so we need a little help from modern science. :)
By the way, congrats on Jez's moms baptism. That's exiting for her...and ya'll will go to the same stake conference!
Love ya Grrl, hang in there. Call me anytime!
I am so sorry about your struggles. But you are one of the best moms that I know. I am amazed at your love and compassion and strength that you give tho your family. I have been struggling with Nathan in the same way. I don't know if its as bad as Trevan's is, but he just doesn't stop. I can't even get him to go to sleep at night, unless I can get him (or hold him) completely still. I agree with the medication thing too, it is so scary to put such a small child on such heavy medication. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I am very happy for your family, and the new baptism. Just know we all love you and miss you, and something will work out! It somehow always does.
Oh Trina! Your weekend sounds awful. I am so sorry. You need a vacation all by yourself after that. I cried for you. I am with you. I don't trust meds. Something we tried in June to get our kids to be more reverent in Sacrament: They had to earn 100 points; 30 pts max week. When they had earned 100 then they got to go see Wall-E at the theatre (big deal at our house since we always wait for the DVD). So I guess that's my suggestions. Let him feel like he has some control over the situation by being able to choose whether or not he is going to earn points. After a few weeks Taylor even came home and told me what they talked about in Sacrament!!! Good luck.
YOUR THE BEST MOM! I seriously look up to you in so many ways. I'm grateful to hear you have crazy moments too! I've been worried since we have number five on the way....how am I going to be able to handle five children by myself in Sacrament! I didn't even know you had stuggles with Treven. If it's worth anything I think your an amazing mom! Thanks for sharing! Oh and Congrats on your Mother in Law being Baptised, thats AWESOME!
Thanks girls for your support and understanding. Yesterday was a much better day. Our family really needs to be on some sort of a schedule to function well and when you are traveling it doesn't always work so great. I had a good talk with the older kids yesterday about needing their help more. They were excited about understanding Treven a little better and wanted to help him instead of fight with him. Our home teacher was inspired too. He called Sunday night and offered to have our kids come over on Friday so Jez and I could go out. It will be the first time we actually took them up on their offer. We haven't had a date in over 2 months. And who would've thought that being able to go shopping for work clothes without kids would be so exciting. :) I want to go into a few shops here that I haven't wanted to with the kids so this is a great chance to go. And Amme... funny you should mention the vacation... When Jez asked me Sunday afternoon what he could do for me I told him to take a week off to be with the kids and that I could take a mini-vacation all by myself. :) He said No Problem... but really, money is a little tight around here. :)
Trina,
I just love you. I really do. I have always looked to you as the example of what I should be like. I have to say that your whole baptism experience could be taken directly from my journal! I always feel like I am the one who needs these spiritually uplifting moments the most and I have to "enjoy" them in the hall wrestling at least one child. I don't even have room to complain, Louis usually handles most of the problems at church, but often when I travel with my family I go alone and I am the only one with children. I just get so frustrated. I usually meltdown and scream and yell and throw a tantrum with the other two. Then, of course, I hate myself even more. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing the courage to even say "I'll try again tomorrow." I wish I could just give you a big hug... maybe knowing that you're not alone and that I never thought of you struggling might give you a boost? I have also considered taking a break from church, well, for many reasons! ;) My favorite is when I am talking to a crowd of sisters after RS and my children run in and begin tearing apart the room while Louis tries to get my attention to say, "Are you coming home with us?" Then I turn to see Charles with a blue dry erase marker drawing on the board, the wall, the cork board, almost the curtains. Yeah, nice. I get it off the board and wall, but if you ever noticed all the lovely blue marker on the cork board thingy, compliments of my son. Guess I need to up my donations to the church!
Trina, First congratulations on the baptism. What an exciting event. As I read your blog I cried, knowing some of the feelings you experienced. A few weeks ago I too had an experience that left me crying before I could get out of the chapel.... and it wasn't the spirit.... Thanks to several kind words from others I have gone back to sacrament meeting with much caution.
Trina, you are loved by so many. You are a wonderful example. I wish I could just be there and give you a hug. Hang in there!
Don't know if you got my message. I must have called when you were gone for the weekend. I attempt to call again this week. I would love to talk with you! Are you guys one or two hours ahead? Just so I makesure I call at a good time.
I'm glad to know that we are all in good company. I couldn't ask for better friends. :) Kristi we are one hour ahead. I did get your message and I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I admit I am pretty bad at returning phone calls, but I was glad to hear your cute voice. :)
Jez, congratulations on the baptism. I know that you have been a tremendous example for your family. I know I often take for granted growing up in a family of active members. You are having the opportunity to serve your mission through your efforts. D&C 18:15-16. Families can be together forever!
Trina, hang in there. I know you will try again tomorrow. You have a special spirit, and are very talented. Remember, we are not alone in anything. The Savior has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. He knows... and loves you for your efforts.
Trina,
I just can't help "spying on you" now that we found you! I can feel so much for your Sunday -- I can only say, I am sooo sorry, but if it helps you aren't alone. My Sunday sounds very similar to yours, except I was in my home ward and my hubby wasn't there and the people all knew me, but I keep thinking the example we are setting of going even when it is hard is what is so important.
Now, as far as the AdHD, I have felt your pain, and feel your pain on Sunday. Jacob (my oldest if you remember him), was diagnosed with AdHD a few years back and I really had the battle mentally of whether to medicate or not, and it still makes me feel like maybe I should have chosen a different way, but we do medicate him. It doesn't solve all of the challenges that I face with him, and he still has hard struggles, but I feel like maybe I can go another day, and the teachers that work with him can love him just another day -- embarassingly enough, there are and have been many days when I didn't know if I could do it -- and questioned why I was such a bad mom because I couldn't get my son to behave and look at all of the other mom's that have good, well behaved children. With the help of a wonderful pediatrician who is LDS and has children with the same challenges, and prayer, we are functioning. There are challenges with medication but we are working through them. My e-mail is deanarae1@aol.com if you have questions, or I can tell you a few ideas that are not the medicine that you can try to see if they help. Hang in there, it warms my heart to read your blog and even more appreciate the amazing woman that you are! Deana
Trina,
You are definitely not the only mother to leave church crying out of frustration. We are all sympathetic in that regard! I love that you are willing to admit your frustrations with us. We can be such a comfort to each other at times like this. (not that it makes it much easier) Keep your chin up! You are a wonderful mother. Go to God with your worries about the kids- he knows their needs better than even you or Jez.
I was so happy to hear about the baptism. Hopefully the spirit was able to shine through the chaos of the day. :)
love, Melissa
Trina~
How wonderful that Jez's mom was baptized! I have no doubt that you and Jez were inspired in your decision to move. I'm certain you will continue to be a blessing to his family and many others there.
I know this doesn't help much, but you aren't alone in your struggles with your kids! I identify with your description of feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually drained.
Here's something that has helped me a lot. Elder Holland came to our Stake Conference in CO and he said some really wonderful things. He spoke about challenges and hard times and reminded us of Christ being awakened by his apostles to calm the storm from the boat. The he told us that our boat was the gospel...and that no matter how much we were challenged, how tired we were or how often we wondered if we were doing enough...that all we need to do is STAY IN THE BOAT! I would say that you are definitely in the boat! :o) He also said that during struggles that all we need to do is plant our feet, square our shoulders and stay rooted to the spot. We aren't expected to make forward progress during hard times...just to stand firm and weather them.
You are an amazing woman, wife and mother. Keep doing what you're doing and let Heavenly Father take care of the rest!
Love you grrl!
Oh, I am so sorry for your day(s). When I first read this my first thought was..."it's soooo hard on vacation because kid's are out of their routine". And then you mentioned that very thing in your comment.
We think you guys are amazing. We stayed at the Providence in last week for our anniversary, and the lady at the front desk was giving someone your phone number while we were checking out. I wanted to pull out my pen and write your number down myself :o) Todd was sad when I told him we wouldn't see you guys because you had moved. But then when I told him I'd found your blog and that Jez had graduated he was so excited. The first thing he said was, "nobody has ever worked so hard or deserves that as much as Jez".
We love the pictures of you in your younger years :o) and are very excited about the baptism.
As for medication...I cried for an entire day when we had to put Brayden on meds for OCD. For us it was the right decision. He is SO much better off now.
I was recently diagnosed with adult onset ADHD. It's been very hard. I can't take the meds for it until I'm done having kids, so for now I take something to "mask" the symptoms. I didn't notice much of a difference from the medication, but my two good friends noticed a huge difference, so I'm glad for their opinions :o)
Heavenly Father doesn't leave us stranded when making decisions about our kids. I know He'll guide you to do what is right for your family, and I know you'll listen.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I really do need it. I also got an email from Michelle and phone call from my sister Trinette. It is amazing to know that I have such great friends and family around me. Thanks for all your words of advice too. I know the best thing I can do is pray to know what will be right for us.
Post a Comment